Dammit
by thekeybladeschosen
Summary: "everybody's gone, and I've been here for too long."


_**"It's alright**_ _ **to tell me,  
**_ _ **what you think**_ _ **about me**_  
 _ **I won't try**_ _ **to argue**_  
 _ **or hold it**_ ** _against you"_**

 ** _xXxXx_**

They hadn't really gotten along at first, the redheaded and blond Nobodies.  
In fact, that was an understatement... They'd despised each other, as much as beings without hearts could possibly hope to despise something. There had been nothing but animosity between them in the beginning, weird as it was to imagine now.

Axel was not usually the type to "hate" someone, even without the ability to feel such a thing- he liked to just play along and have fun in most cases- but being shoved into a random... partnership, was what the Superior called it, but really it was babysitting, and having to be responsible for a total stranger can do that to you.  
Theirs was a strenuous job, and it could be a bit weary on a person even without factoring in a babysitting responsibility on top of that.  
The redhead knew the blond wasn't fond of being treated like he was incompetent, or a child, and it's not like the elder enjoyed being a goddamn babysitter, but whatever.

It hadn't started on a bad note, truth be told.

Axel felt something he might have, in a more naive and hopeful state of mind, once called love at first sight the first time he'd met the boy he was to partner (see: babysit) with. Saix had brought them together a few days into the new recruit's time with them, told Axel it was his duty to oversee the younger boy's first few missions and ensure they went well. Teach him the ropes, get him adjusted, show him around, etc.

Axel, originally being absolutely and totally against this idea, ("Do I look like his goddamn mother to you?") had a change of...well, not heart, but he'd been completely for the idea as soon as he'd caught a glimpse of Roxas.

The blond boy was downright _gorgeous_ , and looked so small and frail, like a baby bird. Tiny, delicately sharp features, big blue eyes, quiet and shy and sort of awkwardly out of place.  
He'd wanted to protect him, to hide him away from the cruel world. He'd attempted to do so, for a while. So what if he'd taken the brunt of the first few missions himself? Roxas wasn't ready, he reasoned. The kid needed time. He needed a guardian angel. Someone strong and willing to lay down their- well, not life, but whatever his non existence amounted to, for him.

Axel was ready to fulfill this role.

However, Roxas was not on board.

There the problems began.

True, they'd been able to maintain a facade, moreso for the convenience, but underneath that there was discontentment, and distrust. Most stemmed from the younger of the two, as the elder couldn't be bothered enough to find reasons to dislike the other.  
Truth be told, the elder actually enjoyed the other's presence, but he couldn't let that be known.

One day a month or so into their arrangement, following a mission (rather successful, if you care to know) they'd been sent on Roxas had snapped at him, sick of the treatment.

"Just leave me the fuck alone! I'm not a child, I don't need you to fucking coddle me!"

Well, the kid was only what, fifteen, maybe sixteen?, so that whole "not a child" nonsense was a lie, but whatever. He'd wanted to play it like that? That was fine.

Axel didn't like little shitheads fucking with his everlasting dry wit towards life. He didn't like people this serious, people who acted like the goddamn world was ending if things went wrong, people who acted like there were sticks wedged up their asses.

A month of this had been enough. He'd had enough of the damn blond, who had once seemed quiet and sweet, as soon as he began rolling his eyes anytime Axel spoke. Axel was sick and fucking tired of the constant attitude, and the complete lack of any type of thanks for constantly saving the kid's (very nice, not that Axel had been staring) ass.

He was done.  
"Fuck you too, kid." He'd snarled back, yanking the other through a portal back to the castle. Stepping through the darkness, a hand firm on the boy's arm, he moved them through the space of the dark corridors to their destination, and then he forcefully pushed the other away., the blond practically spitting and hissing all the while.  
"I'm just trying to fucking help you, squirt, but if that's an issue forget it, ya hear me? Fuck you. Fuck how ungrateful and goddamn _useless_ you are."

"That's cute. What, you think I _need_ you? Forget it. I don't need your help, red. I can handle myself." Roxas snapped back, tone ice cold and sharp.

"Oh really? Fucking prove it, pipsqueak, cause from where I'm standing you're _nothing_." Axel hissed, leaning in to push the smaller boy against a wall. He wanted to intimidate him. The redhead wanted to watch the blond squirm, and then run away in fear. He wanted to memorize the kid's complete and utter fall from his stupid pedestal that the redhead had so foolishly placed the stupid fucking gorgeous boy on.

Roxas, however, did none of these things. Blue eyes met green, and they were full of something fierce and angry.  
Staring into these gorgeous blue eyes, Axel felt his anger dissipate as quickly as it appeared. But that wouldn't do, oh no no no.  
Roxas didn't move, didn't even breathe, and they stared each other down for a moment in complete silence.

Then Axel leaned in and pressed first his lips, then his entire frame against Roxas. Intimidating him wasn't necessary anymore, but somehow winning still was.  
Roxas didn't push him away, but he didn't let him take control either. Lips parted, and they fought for dominance with their tongues, neither willing to back down from the need to prove themselves, and Axel felt victory when the blond finally, _finally_ gave in, moaning low in his throat.

Their lips broke apart, and with their entire bodies still pressed together, Roxas muttered, "So, think I'm useless, huh?" a smug smirk on his lips.  
Axel groaned. Damn his big mouth.

"Not at all. S-sorry about that."  
Roxas shrugged. "Shut up."  
"No, s-seriously, that was so, so fucked up. Didn't mean that. You're so fucking-" He was cut off by Roxas capturing him in another kiss, one slightly less fierce but just as passionate. Axel was the one to moan this time, and Roxas hummed against his lips before pushing off the wall, taking Axel by the hand and back towards his room. A small grin on his own lips, Axel allowed it, following behind the blond with a strangely affectionate look on his usually nonchalant face.  
"Listen, I-"

"I said shut the fuck _up_ , red." Roxas said, still smirking as he pulled him into the room and pushed him towards the bed, discarding his coat and following with a smirk.

That was the beginning of the end of Axel's existence as he knew it.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 ** _"I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons,_**

 ** _the season is calling, your pictures are falling down"_**

 ** _xXxXx_**

He'd known it was coming for some time now, if he was honest with himself. The last almost-year had been too good, and he was a Nobody.  
Axel didn't deserve even the phantom feeling of happiness. He was nothing, and it'd been foolish to believe otherwise.

They'd had such a good few months though, really. Roxas had shown him something he'd forgotten long ago:  
How to care about someone other than himself.

The two had grown affectionate, and loving, and were the subject of many jokes or lewd comments from their peers.  
Despite the idiocy of the others, Axel had been almost...happy. To hell with the idea he couldn't be, he had been practically _overjoyed_ to have Roxas. Nothing could have hurt him, except for the undeniable fact they were a time bomb.  
They managed to forget it at least briefly here and there, with missions and trips to worlds where they always found a way to have fun, to joke, to ignore the ticking clock of the fact that they didn't have hearts, the fact they were doomed.

It had all been too good, and good things never last.

Perhaps it had begun earlier, and he'd been too blinded to notice it, but not more than two weeks before, something had shifted.  
His lover had been distant, and reserved- not that the latter was new, as the boy had been quiet for a long time until Axel wormed his way into his non existent heart.

Roxas had changed. Where for a while there had been genuine smiles, laughter, and cute little smirks and looks that could send shivers down his spine and make Axel's head spin... there was nothing now. He had stopped smiling, had stopped showing interest in any activities, and had up and left without even kissing Axel goodbye. Just abandoned him with barely a word.  
That part hurt the most, he thought. Axel had gone through a lot. Axel had seen some shit, to say the least.  
He'd let his comrades die, sometimes at his own hands (Marluxia and Vexen had been necessary, but had the others?), he'd watched worlds fall, he'd shrugged off others misery like it was nothing...

but this feeling, or lack thereof, whatever it was; was the worst.

Axel was again laying on his bed in the bare, off white room of the castle. It'd been a while since he'd spent any time here, as for the last few months he'd basically lived in Roxas's room.

Being that he was off for the day, he didn't even have an attempt at a distraction. Distantly he thought about how he might have enjoyed a trip somewhere with his lover if things were different, but nothing mattered at all because Roxas had just...left.  
There was a hole in him, a different sort of emptiness he'd forgotten existed.

It was like the heart he could no longer claim had simply broken into fragments.

Let the record show Axel hadn't just let Roxas walk away. He'd chased his love down, and tried to reason with the blond, but the younger wouldn't have any of it.

"They'll destroy you!" He cried. Couldn't Roxas see that he, Axel, VIII, The Flurry of Dancing Flames, was _nothing_ without him? The thought of Xemnas or any of the other lackeys reducing Roxas to nothing was too horrible to bear. He couldn't watch it happen. He could bring Roxas back, and they'd be fine and could continue on with their lives. They could forget this had ever happened, they could move on. He could kiss Roxas in the corridors again, they could have sea salt ice cream every day, for every meal if the blond desired so.

"No one would miss me."  
How could he say that? How could he utter those words?  
The tone was monotonous, and he could just imagine how dead those beautiful blue eyes looked in the pale face that was turned away from him.  
Oh Roxas, please! Don't do this, he thought desperately.

" _That's not true!_ I would..." Axel exclaimed vehemently, but his voice was too hoarse to keep the harshness there, and it died out, soft and quieter than he would have liked.

The bastard hadn't even listened to him. He'd just walked on, away from their castle, away from their world, away from him.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 _ **"The steps that I retrace, the sad look, on your face..."**_

 ** _xXxXx_**

Axel hadn't wished he didn't exist until just recently. It had now been two days without Roxas, and his will to hang on once he'd joined the Organization was dimming.

He'd had a strong will, once. A strong desire to remain something, even just a shell. It was why he was here, it was how he'd managed to maintain even the saddest of existences beyond life.

Then that blond bastard, that beautiful monster, had wandered in and then just as quickly left, and now Axel was really and truly what he'd always been told he was: nothing.

 _"I think I could have loved you, you know."_  
 _"What?" Roxas started, turning in surprise, blue eyes wide. They were celebrating their 50th mission as a duo, and Roxas's ten months in the Organization. Sitting atop the clocktower of Twilight Town, their new favorite haunt, eating ice cream, the two made a striking picture.  
Axel, being vain as he is, knew this. He knew they were gorgeous together, he knew that nothing anyone ever said could take that away from him._  
 _The redhead shrugged. "In another life, another me... I could have loved you. I would love you. I'd love you now if I could feel that."_  
 _Roxas just stared at him, pale blue ice cream melting and dripping off the stick and falling far below to the ground. Silence stretched between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable like some of the silence had been at the beginning. At this point, they knew each other well enough to interpret the mood between them all too easily._  
 _"Sometimes I don't feel as empty as they say we should." Roxas finally responded, dropping the ice cream stick from the tower. It wasn't quite the reaction he'd expected. Axel watched it fall until it became so little he could no longer see it, knowing how Roxas usually loved to save those so that he could win ice cream._  
 _It wasn't much, but the fact Roxas admitted to feeling anything was enough, he decided. Axel laid back against the cool roof, his arms behind his head._  
 _Roxas soon joined him, softly pressing a kiss to his jaw, causing the redhead to smile._  
 _Removing one arm from his head, he wrapped it around his...boyfriend? Lover? Whatever. His Roxas. His wonderful, beautiful, amazing Roxas. Burying his face into the soft blond hair, he smiled._  
 _"You make me feel like I have a heart." He whispered into the blond spikes._  
 _He didn't expect Roxas to hear him, but of course he did._  
 _"If I had a heart, it'd belong to you." Was the blond's response, and something inside of Axel jumped for joy._

 _The sun was setting, and Axel knew he could cease to exist a thousand times and it wouldn't matter, none of it would matter if he could just see this play out again right before it all ended._

 ** _xXxXx_**

 ** _"A day late, a buck short_**  
 ** _I'm writing the report_**  
 ** _on losing, and failing_**  
 ** _when I move, I'm flailing now"_**

 ** _xXxXx_**

"Demyx, I need help."  
No. IX looked at him in confusion, then his sea glass colored eyes darkened ever so slightly.  
Truth be told, those eyes had been dark and sad for some time now. The normally cheerful, happy go lucky musician was less than he'd once been too.  
It's what made them such easy comrades.

Demyx wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but the boy was far from dumb. "Axel... I can't help you." Came the sad reply, already knowing.  
That wasn't an acceptable answer. "Dem, _please_." He noted the desperation tinting his own voice. Demyx was his friend. Demyx had to help him, right?  
The blond musician sighed at the redhead, setting his instrument, a bright blue sitar, down next to him, picking his words carefully. "Look, even if I could help you, he's...he's a traitor, Ax, and they'll kill him, and me, and you." Unable to meet the green eyes anymore, the sitarist looked back down at his fidgeting hands.

The statement rang of truth, truth that he couldn't accept. No one needed to know, but No. VIII couldn't do it alone.  
Axel didn't want to resort to this, but he had to. He'd do whatever it took.  
"Dem, I'd help if it was Zexion." he whispered, already feeling something curl unpleasantly at the fact he knew it would hurt his friend. If he had a conscience, it'd be screaming. He was responsible for this! How could he! Demyx had felt- hadn't felt?- Demyx had loved Zexion.  
But Axel loved Roxas, and hurting others to get him back was worth it.

Demyx's head whipped up so quickly it was practically a blur. His eyes were completely clouded over now, as he thought of the one he'd lost in Castle Oblivion.  
Axel had nothing to lose from this. Demyx need never know he'd helped ruin that brief flicker of joy for him.  
He'd played traitor and then double crossed them all, but in the end Zexion's undoing hadn't been fully on him at least. That much he could take solace in, right? Demyx never need know... something inside him twisted, and he cursed himself inwardly for hurting someone so dear to him, but then again...  
If karma existed, or if there was a higher power that could strike him down, he'd take the chance.  
Demyx's lip trembled, and if Axel had a heart it would probably be breaking all over again.  
"I'll... I'll help you. But we hafta keep this on the DL, okay?"  
Axel nodded eagerly.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 _ **"And it's happened once again**_  
 _ **I'll turn to a friend**_  
 _ **Someone that understands**_  
 _ **Sees through the master plan"**_

 ** _xXxXx_**

He kept calling. He kept texting. He kept reaching out for something, anything, some flicker of hope.  
Nothing but silence ever existed on the other end.

Axel walked around Twilight Town, searching for something that would lead him to his lover. Perhaps the younger teen was hanging out here? They'd loved this place, but wouldn't it be a bit too obvious of a choice if the Organization came looking?

That would be the logical thought, but Roxas didn't seem to be in his right mind anyway...

His phone rang in his coat pocket, and he pulled it out to glance at the screen.

And felt his non existent heart nearly give out.  
 _Incoming call from Roxas._

He answered the call and tried to speak, but his voice wasn't working.

 _"Hello? Axel?"_

"R-Rox?" Axel stutters back, hating how his voice breaks.  
A sigh echoes through the other end.  
 _"What are you doing, Axel."_

"What do you mea- How do you know-" _  
"I know you, Axel, and I know you're looking for me in Twilight Town. Don't."  
_ What?

"What? Wh-where are you?" He spoke, his voice still dying out in his throat. He scanned the ground, the surrounding area for his lover, but couldn't make out any signs of blond hair.  
A sigh on the other end of the line made his breath hitch in his throat.

 _"Axel, listen. You need to stay away, okay? Don't come looking for me."_

"You want me to just give up?" Axel whispered, and Roxas just sighed again.  
 _"Yes."_  
The line went dead.

 ** _xXxXx_**

Demyx opened a portal into his redheaded friend's room, noting the way the taller man laid curled into himself on the bed.  
"Hey, Ax, how'd it go? Didya find hi-

Axel?"  
As he stepped further into the room, he could see clearly that Axel was tucked into the furthest corner of his bed, weeping bitterly, tears he didn't know he could summon burning down his face.

Demyx stood in the doorway, a look of utter confusion and almost...hurt, on the musician's face.  
Crossing the room in three strides, the other nobody wrapped his arms around Axel's now shaking form, whispering words and humming until he lulled the redhead into a deep sleep.  
Running his fingers through the red spikes, Demyx allowed himself to doze off in a heap with his dear friend.

The redhead didn't budge the next morning after both had woken up, and Demyx whispered his name into the air. No verbal response came from the redhead, but Demyx heard the hitch in his breath.  
"Axel...I think I know where Roxas is."

That caught Axel's attention, and he swiftly sat upright.

"They've done some tech type mumbo jumbo on him. He's in Twilight Town right now...but it isn't the real one."

Axel stared at the blond. "Not the real Twilight Town? A projection?" Such things could be done, and it would explain why he couldn't find the blond in the actual town itself. Hell, projections and falsehoods? He knew all too well that the very people he worked for could do such a thing. Hell, they'd done similar shit.  
But how and why did that happen to Roxas? How would his lover end up in a fake Twilight Town? Roxas had chosen to leave and turn his back on them, and then not to come looking for him, but how did the things connect?

"Looks that way. And it's safe to assume they've messed with his memories, or are trying to play him against us." Demyx supplied. The musician's eyes were cloudy, a stormy gray blue as he stared up at his friend.  
"They?" Say it wasn't so. It'd be one thing if the Superior had deserted the boy in a fake town as a way to make him pay.  
But if it hadn't been the Superior...  
Demyx frowned. "You know who I'm referring to."  
Axel did, but he didn't want to. Could it be they, the horrible 'they' Demyx was referring to, were playing him the whole time?  
That prick...

Demyx was staring at him, concern or something like it etched into his thin face as he sat on the edge of the bed.  
Axel had once, lovingly at least, thought the blond was an idiot, ever so slightly useless and definitely, occasionally annoying, but after this he knew that was wrong. The redhead thought differently.

"Thanks buddy."  
Axel had an idea. Who cared about some missing memories, or the works of some old coot, really? If his Roxas was in there, he could do something about it. It didn't matter that Roxas had told him not to come looking. Chances were Roxas had no idea what he was talking about.  
He was gonna go on a rescue mission.

"I'm going in to get him."  
Demyx sighed and rested his forehead against his folded hands. The blond had been afraid of that response.  
"Ax, I'm not sure..." He paused, halfway through the thought, rubbing at his temples with his fingers. Anytime the man found himself needing to be the voice of reason, he got the worst tension headache.

Zexion used to tease him about it, once. About how he couldn't handle responsibility, or the thought of being singled out. About how a little bit of practicality would do him some good.  
There'd always been a softer side to the schemer that only Demyx knew, and he was always forcibly reminded of this, of being alone and terrified, and wishing the other was with him again.

The thought of his love, his love who was so far and long gone from him, changed his mind. He'd do anything to have Zexion back. He couldn't take that from Axel.  
"You're right. Go. Go get him, Ax." He said softly, his mind derailed from his original train of thought. The redhead grinned widely at him, clapped him on the shoulder and disappeared.

"Be safe, buddy." Demyx whispered to the air.  
All that was left was to hope his friends would be okay.

 ** _xXxXx_**

This data projection of Twilight Town fucking sucked. It looked just like the town he and Roxas liked to frequent after missions or on days off, but it lacked all of the usual warmth. The streets were too quiet, the projection faulty in its sound quality.  
Not to mention, the data people were hollow imitations of their real selves. The woman at the ice cream stand was vacant, as were the other vendors. The small crowds he could find were empty and meaningless, practically invisible in how indistinct they were.  
It was, in short, the perfect place to hide a Nobody. How could any real person pick the truly empty one out of a lineup? They were all so damn hollow.

"Roxas..." He murmured softly to himself, atop the data clocktower as he watched a sunset. He'd been unable to find the boy today, after an entire afternoon of searching.  
Perhaps that DiZ prick had somehow known he was coming and simply removed the boy from the town. Seemed like the sort of thing someone would do; dangle something in front of him just to yank it away.

Axel was really sick of someone else always pulling the strings in his existence.

Giving it up as lost, he resolved to come back another day.  
Something in his chest was constricting tightly, and every breath hurt as he reached back through the corridors of darkness, heading to the only place he had.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 _ **And it'll happen once again**_  
 _ **You'll turn to a friend**_

 ** _xXxXx_**

Axel began spending a lot more of his time with Demyx.

He couldn't forget Roxas- and he'd attempted, for a while, because if the boy was gone, and efforts to find him were proving fruitless, why hang on?- but the other nobody's presence was soothing to his frazzled nerves over the sudden disappearance of his lover, and that was what mattered.

One night, while Axel fiddled with his phone, looking through photos he'd taken what felt like a lifetime ago, Demyx sighed loudly next to him, but didn't speak. The redhead ignored it.

He hadn't heard from Roxas again. He'd tried, fruitlessly, to find the boy, and failed every time. Many attempts had been made. A way back in after the first time he'd wormed his way through was proving not only hard, but nearly impossible.  
Trust him, he'd tried to go back.  
He'd kept trying, but it was growing more and more frustrating.

Suddenly, he realized what he had to do. It was so simple! He'd just find her. She'd work it out, she'd know what to do...  
Namine.

Jumping up and readying himself to leave once again, he heard Demyx sigh again, and Axel felt rather than saw the other get up and leave.

He didn't care.  
Roxas was coming home, or as home as this place could be.  
He was sure of it this time.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 _"Just because you have a next life..."_

A dark portal opened into Demyx's room, and a dark blond head of hair shot up straight from the hunched over position at the desk in surprise.  
Axel hunched there, holding an arm against his waist, breathing heavily, face bruised.  
"Axel!" Demyx shouted, worry coursing through him as he jumped up and crossed the room to his redheaded friend.

Tears were streaming down Axel's face, streaking the dirt and making his bruises somehow stand out even more prominently.  
"Axel, what happened to you?!" Demyx whispered, horrified as he lead the redhead to the bed, looking to dress the wounds, but all Axel did was shake and weep.

Demyx was almost scared to ask, but he had to know. Axel had left a week before, and no one had any word from him that entire time, and Demyx had been freaking out every single day. He'd paced the floor, worried he wouldn't see the redhead again. He'd been terrified.  
"Did...did Roxas do this to you?"

All Axel could do was slowly nod his head and turn onto his side, away from the dark stormy eyes settled in an uncharacteristically angry face.

 ** _xXxXx_**

Slowly, Demyx nursed Axel back to health.

It was a slow process. The physical hurt faded rather quickly, honestly, but the redhead was practically a shell of what he'd been. He barely ate, or slept, and he was constantly jittery, like a recovering addict.

Demyx moved into the redhead's room less than two weeks post incident. Another bed took up the empty space, though half the time Demyx stayed in with Axel anyway, soothing him into short bursts of sleep, then repeating the process as much as needed.  
Axel would sleep for twenty, thirty minutes at a time and then wake back up, gasping for air and crying.  
Demyx was relentless in caring for him, though, and that made it easier to cope.

Another week passed, and Axel began to eat full meals again, Demyx constantly at his side.  
Two more days, and he began to sleep for three or four hours at a time opposed to twenty minute spurts, Demyx right there if he needed anything.

"Axel?"  
"Demyx?"  
It was just another day, and neither of them had missions, so they were enjoying their leisure time. Demyx sat crosslegged on the floor, his sitar next to him, having grown tired of learning a new song.  
Axel was sprawled on the floor near him, playing a game on his phone, though he lowered it and sat up to glance at Demyx.  
The dirty blond head lowered, unable to meet the green eyed gaze, teeth worrying a lip between them.

"It's just..."  
"Just what, bud?" Axel asked, eyebrow raised. Sometimes, even though he rather saw it as though he was the one in recovery, he wondered if Demyx was frailer than he was.  
That thought was usually followed by guilt, as Demyx was nothing but wonderful to him.  
"I just..."  
Axel frowned.  
"Dem, out with it."

Sea colored eyes met bright green, and Demyx bridged the gap between them, hungrily reaching for Axel, lips meeting clumsily.

Axel was caught by surprise, before he jerked away. They both stood now, surprise in his face, hurt in the blond's.  
That was the wrong thing to do, he realized belatedly, as Demyx's eyes began to water, and he was caught by just how beautiful they were, just like the ocean.

"Wait, Dem, I'm...fuck man, I'm sorry..."  
"Save it." Demyx whispered, his tall body hunching slightly, as if he was closing in on himself.  
"Dem, it's just, I... Roxas..."

"He's gone, Axel! He's gone. Just like Zex. _They're gone!_ " Demyx screamed, tears streaming down his face, and something in Axel collapsed. He began to weep too, reaching for Demyx, and they fell back to the floor, crying together.

An hour later, calmed down, Axel reached for Demyx, to reciprocate from earlier. Their lips met again, less clumsy this time, more hungry, and he felt something inside of him seal back up.

 ** _xXxXx_**

They found a catharsis in each other, in spending all of their time together.

Axel wondered how long this could possibly last, how long they could manage, knowing they weren't meant to last, knowing they both would have preferred someone else to be in their places.

Although perhaps that was just him. Demyx seemed content with him, hell even...happy, if he could feel that way. He'd often glance over at the dark blond head of hair on the other pillow, the second bed long sent to an empty room. The musician could sleep through anything, it seemed, and Axel found he didn't mind waking before him, and seeing the morning light shine on the pale face.

Maybe this was for the better for both of them.  
Zexion was gone, and while he still felt guilty over that, it was done and over with.  
And Roxas...  
Roxas had reemerged with Sora, and what did that mean for him? Would Sora have Roxas's memories? Was Roxas still in there somewhere? How unfair of an existence could that be?  
The blond had deserved to be his own person.

Somebodies were poison to a good life, a life he thought he and Roxas had deserved.

But Demyx was still here, and that's what mattered, right?

A rush of affection for the musician flooded through him, and he gently moved to kiss the forehead of his lover.  
Demyx's eyes fluttered open at the touch, and he muttered, "you're lucky I didn't think to drown you."  
"I'm not sure I would have minded, poseidon," Axel responded warmly, and the blond chuckled.  
"Water and fire don't mix, pyro" was the sleepy response, but Axel shrugged.

He couldn't see why not.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 ** _"_** You can't send him!" Axel shouted at Saix, and the blue haired man only smirked.  
Axel would have sworn his pulse was racing, if he'd had one. They wanted to send Demyx to Hollow Bastion? After what happened in Olympus? Everyone knew the poor boy hated fighting, he hated confrontation, and they knew what it would mean.

"Why in the world not, Axel? Don't tell me you've fallen into your delusions with another here..."  
Axel shoved Saix against a wall, snarling into the wolfish face, "Shut your fucking mouth. I don't care if we were once friends, _Isa_ , but you hurt a hair on his head..."  
Saix shook him off, no longer smirking, now angry.  
"Perhaps you shouldn't let your false emotions control you so well, Axel. Your...plaything won't be hurt if he can manage himself. Maybe he'll surprise us all and emerge triumphant..." Saix chuckled darkly, stalking off and leaving a furious Axel behind him.  
Axel put his fist into the wall where Saix's head had recently been, fury building within him.

They were going to remove Demyx. He was simply a distraction while they unfolded the real chaos...

He teleported back to their room. There was no time to waste.

Demyx glanced up at him, a grin on his face. He must not have heard yet, Saix must not have given him his mission detail yet...  
"Hey, Ax-"

Axel crossed the room in three long strides, grabbing the musician's face in his hands and smashing their lips together, interrupting whatever Demyx had been about to say.

He wished he was less of a coward, wished he could take Demyx and leave this place before they ruined the peace he'd found post-Roxas.

But he didn't say anything, and he hated himself for that most of all.

 ** _xXxXx_**

 ** _But everybody's gone_**  
 ** _And I've been here for too long_**  
 ** _To face this on my own_**  
 ** _Well I guess this is growing up_**

 ** _xXxXx_**

Demyx was gone.  
No one had even pretended to fool themselves into thinking that Demyx would come out on top. Sora was too strong, and as Xemnas himself had put it afterwards, coldly, "IX was expendable. The keybearer is playing into our game, and that's what matters."

He'd felt it when his dear friend- was that all Demyx had been anymore? surely not, he'd been so much more- faded away.  
He missed the humming, the singing. He missed smiles, and enjoying his existence.  
Demyx had been all that kept him afloat, in an endless current of pointless existence post-Roxas.

Storms raged outside as he laid perfectly still in bed, the room dark, and he found it quite matched his current mood - lack of? - whatever. His body had long ago finished racking with dry sobs, and he found himself unable to maintain the facade that he believed in any of this anymore.

First Roxas.

Now Demyx.

It was all Sora's fault. That damn keybearer was ruining everything!

No, he reasoned, not letting the anger win out, that wasn't true. Axel couldn't direct his anger at Rox- Sora- the kid wasn't the problem.

It was all The Organization's fault.

He should have toppled the whole thing when he'd had the chance. Why had he settled for stopping at Castle Oblivion?

He knew why.

Selfishness had won out.

He'd wanted to keep Roxas for himself, and after Roxas left and became part of Sora again, he didn't want to lose whatever new shred of love he'd found in Demyx.

Could he have loved them both at once? That's how it felt. Axel knew he'd sort of felt like he'd betrayed Roxas, somehow, by being with Demyx at the end.

But Roxas had chosen something new for himself. Roxas had left, and become whole again.  
It hurt, but he wanted the blond to be whole. Didn't he deserve it? Didn't they all deserve to be whole?

What was the point of existing if you didn't get to do so fully? What was the point of a life where you weren't supposed to feel, where everyone you loved said you couldn't, when everything faded away in the end?

Axel knew, deep inside of him, what had to be done.

He had to help Sora finish them all off.

It was well past time.

Getting to his feet, he swept through the room one last time. He ran his fingers across the unmade bed, still covered in some of Demyx's dirty blond hair- he used to tease the Nobody about how he basically shed like a dog-, over the note Demyx had left him before departing on that final mission, over the picture Namine drew of him and Roxas that he pilfered from the mansion in Twilight Town, across a photo he'd taken of himself and Roxas, put together in a frame made of popsicle sticks they'd made, immature as it was.

Pressing a hand to the wall, he called the dark portal and stepped into the corridors for the last time, watching the darkness swirl and call for him, in a voice that he could have sworn sounded like Roxas.  
"I'm coming, Roxas." He whispered back, smiling ever so slightly to himself.

* * *

painful blink 182 inspired oneshots because WHY NOT?  
feat my otp and my weird, sorta crackship and a lot of axel self hatred because i love cocky axel but you know what i love more? SLIGHTLY INSECURE AXEL AND SELF DOUBT. WHEEEEE.

this bothered me for a while and i'm still not entirely happy with how it flows, necessarily, but it's a 6500+ word oneshot so i'll deal and rewrite it someday maybe if i feel up to it.

possibly.

we'll see.

also. def listen to blink 182 while reading. ;D


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